


I Ever Dreamed Of

by seasaltandcastles



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Bisexual Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Bisexual Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Destiny Islands (Kingdom Hearts), Dream Eater Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fantasy, Hurt/Comfort, Keyblade Wielder Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Keyblade Wielders (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, Multi, POV Female Character, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Kairi/Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Protective Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Rescuing Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) Friendship, Roxas & Kairi (Kingdom Hearts) Friendship, Scars, Slow Burn, Swearing, Teenagers, Underage Drinking, modern references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-02 07:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18806875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltandcastles/pseuds/seasaltandcastles
Summary: "He didn't even ask me if I wanted to trade with him. I would've said no."When Sora takes Kairi's place in the Reaper's Game, she is left feeling guilty and alone. It doesn't help that it's been two months since he disappeared. Time catches up to the Wayfinder Trio, and Riku's the only one left searching for Sora. He recruits Kairi and Roxas to help him scour the Sleeping Worlds and find their friend, dealing with old feelings and a new enemy along the way.Updated every other Monday starting 5/20/19





	1. That Might be the Death of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Hermes and GameGuru for being such great beta readers! And thanks to anyone who leaves a kudo, bookmark, or comment. It is greatly appreciated and helps keep me motivated to write more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “No, I’ll get back to you."
> 
> CW: Major character death, fantasy combat

Endless sky. That’s all there was in every direction. No sun in sight, but light was everywhere. The clouds seemed closed but so far away as she reached out for them. Reached out with what? There was no physicality about her, just a feeling of being. Being who? Who was she? What was feeling?

Feeling was the wind. The wind flying around her, was it flowing up? Or down? What was usually up and what was usually down? Down was grounded, down was firm, down was standing, and down was running, down was holding onto something. Something was earth, sand, plants. Something was water running. Something was a hand, a chest, something was a body.

There was nothing here. She was nothing. She was gone. Whatever she used to be, something, was not here anymore. Was that something worth anything? Was nothing all that there was?

 _No_ , something out there called to her. Something was worth it.  Something needed her, and nothing wasn’t the choice.

_Do you want to fight?_

And yes, was the overwhelmingly something she couldn’t hold back.

* * *

 

The bright natural light was replaced by the artificial, the endlessness replaced by a ground beneath her feet. Every breath was a sharp gasp as her chest rose and fell rapidly, her legs shaking as she regained her physical body. It took her whole being to sit down on a bench near her, and her whole strength to look around at her surroundings.

A city at night. Tall buildings. A square filled with empty businesses and turned off signs, and a giant screen in the middle that read “you have seven days.”

She clenched every muscle and relaxed. To make sure she was real, she examined her legs, her torso, her arms. Oh, this was new. Next to her bracelets, there was a watch. It didn’t have a face like a normal watch, but instead read “Reach 104, you have sixty minutes- the Reapers.”

Suddenly, there were other people everywhere. Their thoughts fought to be the loudest in her head;

_What if he likes that other guy?_

_This’ll be a great birthday present._

_I can’t believe I lost my job._

_My wife will love this._

Her eyes flicked back and forth between the people speaking. A teen aged boy sitting on a bench looking at his phone, an elderly woman walking out of a shop, a middle-aged man frowning down at his dog, and a smiling woman browsing at a vegetable stand. How was this possible? As far as she knew, only highly skilled, specialized mages could read minds. She started walking through the crowd, glancing at the people around her as their thoughts flew through her mind. No one glanced back.

Her eyes found a tower, a banner that read 104 hanging from the top. Her walking quickened into a run, the thoughts becoming more anxious as they came. Her breath hitched as she realized the people weren’t moving out of the way as she moved, and she was phasing through them. The tower kept getting further and further away.

 _Am I dead?_   Her singular thought overpowered everyone else’s. Her pace hastened as her last memory caught up with her no matter how fast she ran. There had been complete darkness overcoming her whole body, then devastating pain, then the nothing she had just come from. What was the last thing she saw? Cliffs. People standing on the cliffs. Important people.

Picturing them was like trying to picture the missing family member in a photograph, picturing a color she had never seen before. She could guess, but nothing seemed close to what the reality was. They were gone.

“Whoa there!” Someone stopped her from running face first into the tower’s wall, but all she could think about was the time. She glanced at the watch, the face reading “you have thirty seconds” faded away. As she breathed a sigh of relief, she turned to face the person who stopped her.

He was tall, with dark black hair and piercing blue eyes. He wore all black, his outfit reminding her of a mercenary or a soldier. “Good thing I stopped you, you looked like you weren’t going to break for anything!” he said, leaning down to be closer to her.

She remained silent, her voice caught in her throat like when she woke up in the morning and hadn’t spoke yet. She looked around, the street was empty, and met his gaze again. He was smiling, and she felt warmth and trust as she looked at him.

“Am…am I dead?” She asked aloud this time, her voice hiccuping.

His smile turned slightly down as he spoke. “Well,” he said as he scratched the side of his face and relaxed his body. “We are…not…. alive.” He held out both his hands for her, as if he knew she would grab him to steady herself from the shock.  Like he had said that to many people many times before.

“Why?” she begged him, searching his face for answers. Judging by his remorseful expression, there were none. She looked back to the ground, watching as her tears streamed off her face. “There’s someone out there!” Her eyes snapped back up at him. “They need me!”

She didn’t know him well and was grateful that he let her use his body to ground herself. Her crying seemed never ending, but his arms held her steady, and her tears started to dry up. She looked back at him as she blinked the wetness out of her eyes.

“I’m Zack,” he introduced himself as she quieted.

“I’m Kairi,” the name came to her so quickly. Where were their names?

Zack must’ve noticed her mind drifting from the moment. “Will you be my partner?” he interrupted her thoughts.

“Partner for what?” she asked.

“Didn’t the Reaper ask if you want to play?” he questioned, looking confused.

Kairi remembered the question. _Do you want to fight?_

Their conversation was interrupted by loud static. Huge frog creatures appeared on the street like the way a TV turns to static after midnight. She recalled other creatures; Heartless, Nobodies. These creatures were very different from them. They were loud, obnoxious, filling the air with deafening noise. They looked more like animals but were just uncanny enough that her stomach twisted in fear as she looked at them. She searched Zack’s face, and knew from his worried expression that these creatures were not safe.

Zack’s sword sliced by her onto one, and suddenly a few turned to many. He stood between her and them, his sword cutting them down easily. But there was so many. One slipped past him and leapt at her.

The keyblade materialized in her hand, and the Noise disappeared as she cut through it. Zack’s eyes lit up when she summoned it. “Partners?” He asked again.

“Partners.” She affirmed with a nod and stood so her back faced his. The sound of the slicing of metal through their enemies’ forms filled the street, as the two of them danced through the crowds.

He was stronger than her, she noticed, as not one of the creatures could even come close to touching him, but several grabbed at her and scraped her skin. He spun backwards as they tried to find his blind spots, predicting where they would be before they landed.

She stumbled, but she was still winning. Her keyblade swung through the air, cutting through a particularly large one. She looked around for the next creature to fight but saw that they were gone.

Zack jogged to her side once they were safe. “You have a keyblade!” he remarked. “Do you know Aqua, Terra, or Ventus?  I mean, I’m sure they are older now, but they have keyblades too!”

Kairi could see them clearly in her mind. Aqua and Ventus before that battle, Terra’s possessed body coming directly at her as she froze like a deer in the headlights. Picturing them filled in the portrait. “I know them!” she exclaimed, her keyblade dematerializing as she clenched her fists in excitement.

“Did Terra get to be Master?” Zack asked just as excitedly.

Kairi’s mind stuttered through the question, and she froze again as the memories rushed through her. She remembered everything except them. They were fighting against Xehanort. Had they won? Again, the picture felt empty even though there wasn’t a missing place.

“No, he…he didn’t,” Kairi responded, and Zack looked at her with concern.

“To play the game, you gave up something,” he explained. “Whatever you most cherished. But you can get it back, if you win.” She smiled at the thought.

“Then let’s win,” she responded, taken aback by the confidence in her voice.

Zack laughed. “Okay, but first, you need to learn how to fight.”

* * *

Time was different in this limbo, Kairi had figured out. Days seemed to last forever, but morning felt like it just happened as she laid down to sleep in whatever shelter they could find. Zack was a great teacher, and just the night before she had taken down a big Noise while Zack had been trapped as part of their mission. Her memories came back slowly but surely, which Zack assured her was normal when you were “new.” She remembered the way all the different Keyblade wielders had fought as Zack taught her his techniques in dueling and magic. She thought of Namine the most, feeling an empty place in her heart where she used to be. She worried that Namine couldn’t have lived through her death and had disappeared forever.

But _they_ were still missing, no matter how much she searched her memories. Today was the final day though, and tomorrow they would be there.

Zack and Kairi quickly examined their wrists when they woke up. Both of their watches read, “defeat the Game Master. You have twenty-four hours -the Reapers.”

As they fought their way through Noise to reach the battleground, Kairi realized they were the only two players left when no one else they had met before showed up. Zack had told her it had been a tough week and this week’s Game Master must be very strong.

They emptied the square quickly, her keyblade and his sword slicing and dicing through Noise like they had been doing this for eons. They were on opposite ends of the battlefield when he appeared in the middle.

“Zack, when are you going to give this up? This is game 547 for you,” the silver haired man said to him as he pointed his extremely long sword at Zack’s throat. Kairi’s eyes widened at the number as she did the math. Zack had been playing the Game for ten years? How hadn’t he won? If he hadn’t won, there was no way she even had a sliver of hope.

“Shut up!” Zack yelled at him, his sword striking his. And the fought began.

Zack was not wrong in the least; the Game Master was powerful. His sword was everywhere; in her back as she turned around to strike his side, in her stomach as she flew over his head to strike downwards, at her throat as she slid underneath him for an upper cut. Just as her magic regained she would be using cure again, and she would see Zack on the other side of the field downing potions left and right.

Despite it all, they wore him down, and Zack’s sword delivered the final blow to his spine as he guarded his right from Kairi’s keyblade. He didn’t even cry out, just smiled slightly at them as he muttered “good game.” He faded away like a dust storm fades into the wind.

Kairi threw her keyblade to the ground, and hugged Zack tightly. “We won!” she exclaimed repeatedly as she jumped on him. Zack hugged her back, smiling widely at her as they heaved heavily to regain their breaths.

They froze as the light shown on the middle of the square, and a blonde boy in a blue button up and jeans appeared in the Game Master’s place. “Congratulations, you both did great,” he said. “Here’s your entry fees.” He held out his hands, one with two small marbles of pure light and the other with just one.

Kairi rushed at him and grabbed the hand with the two marbles, the light fading into her hand as she reabsorbed the memories. _Aw, there they were._ The two of them on the cliffs, looking up at her in horror as she was shattered to pieces. The two of them running through the water to her standing on the beach. The two of them holding her hand as Sora realized it had been Riku helping him all along, not Ansem. Sora’s heart keeping hers safe and warm, Riku protecting her body for her to return to. It had felt like an eternity since they were gone, and finally her heart was full again. She smiled up at Joshua through the tears. “I want to go home!” she begged, falling to her knees.

She looked to Zack to gauge his reaction. He stood unmoving, crying silently as the light from his orb filled his heart again. She searched his face for the excitement she was experiencing but found none. She blinked through the tears and grabbed his hand. “Zack?” she whispered.

“Joshua, please,” he begged the blonde boy. Joshua looked at him with great sadness.

“You know I can’t change fate, Zack,” he responded. “C’mon, this is the last time. Not again. Take the deal.”

“My life for hers! It’s fair!” he growled at him, his brow furrowing.

“Not when you’re already dead, Zack,” he replied. “You can’t sacrifice something you don’t have for something that hasn’t even happened yet. I don’t know how many times we have to go through this.”

“You said, I get to take her place!” Zack yelled.

“What if she doesn’t want to play the game though?” Joshua offered, and Zack looked defeatedly at the ground, his tears turning from anger to sadness.

“What, what do you mean?” Kairi stood, looking between the both.

“Zack saw his soulmate die, and he wants to change the fate by trading his life for hers,” Joshua explained. “But Zack saw the future which has not happened yet, after he had already died. The only option I can give him is his prize can be to revive her once she passes, but I can only get to her if she chooses to play the game. And I can never tell Zack if she has died yet, and if she had, I couldn’t tell him that she said no to the game. He could be stuck here forever.” Kairi was confused by Joshua’s remorse. Wasn’t he supposed to be the bad guy who had trapped them here in the game? “Zack, you can become an Angel. Please. Then you’ll be free, and you can be together.”

“No!” Zack refused. “She needs to live!” Joshua sighed.

“What do you want then?” he asked Zack.

“I want to play again,” Zack muttered through anger, and Kairi gasped as he disappeared with a wave of Joshua’s hand.

“Yet again he risks his soul for someone who loves someone else,” Joshua waved his hand again, and the dark city faded to the beach that she could navigate with a blindfold. They were walking towards the paopu tree, and she sighed as he leaned against it like Riku had millions of time. “I can’t believe you were even able to come here, Kairi. Your heart is so full of light. You should’ve turned into an angel right away. But here you are.”

She couldn’t bring herself to sit in the normal spot she usually took and leaned against the tree next to him. “Here I am,” she responded quietly, looking for him to continue.

“You’re lucky too, because very few people get revived,” he said. “But you can do that, if you want. Or become an angel. But I can’t let you be a Reaper, you’re too pure to for this job.”

“I want to be revived!” she exclaimed. “I can’t wait to go home and be with Riku and Sora.” Joshua looked sadly on the ground.

“That’s the thing. If you get revived, you give up Sora and Riku. You’ll never be with them again, you won’t remember them. You won’t ever cross path with them again,” he said.

Kairi looked at the ground, pondering that choice. Could she go on in a life without them, with an empty feeling in her heart that she didn’t know how to fill? She could barely stand it for a week. “What would happen to them?” Kairi asked.

“Oh, they remember you,” Joshua reassured. “And they would still remember you. I can’t tell you what they would do with that memory though.”

Kairi remembered everything they had been through, to bring her heart back to her body, to come home to her. She remembered Sora’s promise to always keep her safe, to always come home. She knew that they would look for her forever until the ends of time, they would put themselves in danger, they would let darkness twist their hearts to find her. And if she chose revival, they could never find her, and they would lose themselves. That wasn’t the right choice.

“What happens if I choose to be an angel?” Kairi asked quietly.

“I’m not quite sure, but angels move on to the higher plane. They are gone from any worlds, and can’t be brought back, if that’s what you mean,” he offered.

“Would they know, to stop looking for me?”

“There’s no way to communicate with them what happens to you.  The only way they could ever know would be to move on to the higher plane too,” he explained.

Kairi thought for a second. Either choice, Sora and Riku could possibly spend their lives looking for her all over the universe. And then she thought of Zack. Why would he choose to play the game over and over again if the prize never changed? If his soulmate was doomed no matter what he did?

“Do the rules ever change?” she demanded him, and he looked at her surprised.

“Um, I guess, they could, but you’d have to become the producer to do that, and you’d have to defeat him,” Joshua explained. “And that is futile, considering how many times I’ve tried.”

“How many times?” Kairi asked again. Joshua swallowed, and shrugged.

“I’ve lost count, Kairi,” he said. “I can’t do it.”

“Let me try,” she said, grinning at him. He looked at her with disappointment.

“You’d have to become the composer to even meet him,” Joshua explained.

“Which is you, right? That’s what I want, to become the Composer,” she said, smiling as she outsmarted the rules.

“Kairi, that’s not a choice. You can’t become a Reaper, remember? Your heart is too full of light,” he sighed.

Kairi scratched her head at the thought. She sighed as she pondered over her choices, and a plan formed her head. “If I play the game, I can persuade someone to become a Reaper, to take your place, and then the producer’s place!” She thought out loud. “I can do that, right? I can play again?”

Joshua sighed. “Not only do you have to persuade someone to become a Reaper, but that someone has to be strong enough to defeat me, and then beat the Producer,” he scolded her. “That could take eons! And the Game is not easy! It’s different every time you play!”

“It could take eons for Sora and Riku to give up on me! I won’t let them waste their lives looking for me!” she yelled back. Joshua threw up his hands in defeat.

“Maybe next time you’ll see some sense,” he scoffed, his look a mix of anger and disappointment.

Suddenly, her ears started ringing. Both of their eyes shot to the sky as a star seemed to fall into the ocean, the light on the island changing from night to sunrise as the sun peaked through the clouds. “Who is that? We’re…we’re not in a place someone else should be able to come?” He looked at her for an answer, but she shrugged. She ran to the edge of the island, using her hand to try to see farther over the ocean. She saw a figure, swimming up to island.

As the figure became more distinguishable, she jumped off the island into the water to swim to meet him. He was always a better swimmer than her and caught up to her before her feet left the ocean floor. She crashed into him, holding on his jacket tightly. He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his head in her shoulder.

“Kairi! We did it, we beat Xehanort!” he exclaimed. “I can’t believe I found you! You said I could always find you in the darkness, and you were right!” He squeezed her tighter and she returned the gesture.

“Sora, how long have I been dead?” she said as she backed away from him to look into his eyes. Sora’s eyes changed to reflect his confusion.

“Um…probably about a week? It’s hard to keep track of time in the sleeping worlds,” he said in return. Kairi furrowed her brow.

“Let’s go back to the beach,” she offered.

Kairi explained everything to Sora, and Joshua sat quietly on the paopu tree as they talked on the beach. He approached them as she finished her explanation.

“Hey Joshua!” Sora said as he walked up. Kairi looked at Sora, surprised.

“You know him?” she asked.

“Yeah, Joshua was in Traverse Town during my Mark of Mastery test,” Sora explained as they fist bumped. “So, he’s, like, sleeping.” Sora thought over his words for a moment. “That’s it! The Game is just in a sleeping world! I can use the power of waking, to wake you up!” He grabbed her hands excitedly.

“No, she’s dead,” Joshua said shortly, causing Sora’s grip to soften and his smile to fade.

“But…” he muttered, not breaking eye contact with her. Kairi smiled sadly up at him to reassure him, but the sorrow in his eyes did not change.

“But, I’m going to change the rules,” she offered. “I just have to find a partner who could beat the Producer, remember?” His smile returned as she finished.

“Hey, I’ll be her partner?” he said as he turned to Joshua. “I could totally beat you!”

“Sora, you’re not dead,” Joshua reminded him. “Only dead people can play the Reaper’s Game.” Again, his smile dropped to a frown. They all stood there in silence for what seemed like forever as Sora thought over Joshua’s words, his mind obviously drawing a blank as he tried to find a solution.

“Speaking of, you two must have a very close connection for Sora to come here, but we have to go,” Joshua turned to Kairi.

“Can’t we talk,” Sora asked him abruptly. “Just let me stay for ten more minutes.” Sora’s eyes shone as he gave Joshua his signature puppy dog eyes.

“Five more minutes, and fine,” Joshua said with an eyeroll. “Don’t know why you’d want that, Sora, considering you definitely won’t remember this, but okay.” He turned on his heel to walk away but was stopped as Sora grabbed his hand firmly.

“Just wanted to say thanks for the deal,” Sora said as he shook his hand aggressively, then he let him go as quickly as he had grabbed him. Joshua put his hands in his pocket as he gave Sora a confused face, then walked away, leaving them alone on the beach.

Kairi reached to grab Sora, but he dodged her grab. “Race you to the tree!” he exclaimed, running off towards the paopu tree. She sighed with a smile and ran after him. He was waiting for her when she reached the tree in his usual spot, and he reached down to pull her up next to him.

“Do you still have my lucky charm?” Kairi asked him. He dug in one of his larger pockets for a moment and pulled the wayfinder out. She giggled as she took it from him, rubbing her thumb on the point with his face drawn on it. “How did Namine come from me? I could never draw.”

He laughed at her remark. “You’re both creative,” Sora pointed out. “And you can draw better than me.” They both laughed at that.

“What do you think I’m creative at?” she asked, slightly confused.

“Your writing,” he responded. “It’s like, inspiring. And pretty.” He held her hand with the wayfinder in it, and she looked up to his eyes. “Like you.” He bit his lip out of nervousness, and she blushed at his words.

“Inspiring or pretty?”

“Both,” he responded, blushing back at her. He took the wayfinder and returned it to his pocket. “Can’t let you keep that.”

“I don’t have anything from you,” Kairi said, scooting closer to him so their faces were mere inches apart. She flicked her eyes briefly to his mouth, his eyes slightly glazed when she looked back at him.

His breathing seemed to stop as he slowly moved his lips to hers. Kairi closed her eyes when they were almost touching and opened them again when her lips puckered against his chin and his touched her nose. He had moved his head at the last moment.

“Sora!” she complained, moving her head back to frown at him.

“This can’t be our first kiss, it’s not real and I won’t remember it!” Sora returned in the same tone. “That’s completely unfair.”

Kairi thought for a second. “Fine, but I still don’t have anything to remember you by,” she said with a scowl.

Sora dug in his pockets, then went to feeling his chest pockets, before finally resting on his crown necklace. He unclasped it in the back and slid it gently behind her neck. He fiddled momentarily with the clasp before the chain was secure around her neck, clinking gently against her star necklace. She looked down and felt the edges of the crown, wondering if she would still have this when Joshua and her left. Which must be soon.

She hugged him tightly, feeling the tears come to her eyes. She didn’t want their last moments to be of her sobbing into his shoulder, so she held them in as she took a deep breath. Maybe if anything she would remember the texture of his jacket on her cheek or the tingling she felt at the back of her neck as he rubbed her back.

“Kairi,” he said softly into her shoulder. “I can’t wait to see you again.” A tear almost slipped out of her eye.

“Sora, I promise I’ll get back to you, no matter what it takes,” she returned, grasping tightly at his jacket.

“No, I’ll get back to you,” he responded, and she let go of him to look into his eyes. He grasped her hand softly. “I took your place, Kairi.” He smiled widely at her and she couldn’t help to smile back, knowing there wasn’t enough time to respond. He rubbed her palm with his thumb, and the tears began to fall down her cheeks as he disappeared into the sunlight. She looked down to where his hand used to be.

“Kairi!” a familiar voice called out from behind her, and she looked back to see Riku, Namine, and their other friends standing shocked on the beach.


	2. Without You, I Feel Broke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She made an X on her calendar that day, counting that it had been 55 days since anyone laid eyes on Sora.
> 
> CW: Underage drinking, scars, mourning

It was silent in the lab as everyone waited for Ienzo to begin speaking. He was reading the screen quietly to himself, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. Kairi was sitting in the chair in the middle of the room after she had been scanned, with Namine standing next to her and holding her shoulder. Kairi glanced at the others while Ienzo read and their eyes quickly darted away. It felt like everyone was staring at her when she wasn’t looking at them. Everyone but Riku, who hadn’t even acknowledged her existence since they got here.

“Okay, okay,” Ienzo said to himself as a new screen loaded. “That makes sense…oh…okay. Alright, I got it!” He turned around to address them all. “Sora gave Kairi his body!” He smiled widely at the discovery, and everyone suddenly gave up on not trying to stare at her. She looked helplessly at Riku, who was finally looking her, although with a very confused expression.

“Um, that is not Sora’s body,” Roxas said pointedly as he approached her. “Stand up.” He held his hand out to her, and she took it to pull herself up. Instead of letting her go, he held his palm flatly against hers. “My hands are way bigger, and I’m taller.” He placed his hand on top of her head and drew it flat out until it touched his nose.

“And you aren’t a girl?” Xion said, shrugging exaggeratedly at everyone in the room.

“Well, yeah, that too,” Roxas muttered, stepping away from Kairi. She could tell he was trying extremely hard to keep his eyes on her face.

“I’m still a girl!” Kairi exclaimed at him. Roxas threw his hands up in defense and retreated to his spot leaning against the railing next to Axel, Xion, and Isa.

“The heart changes the physicality of a body,” Ienzo said to them all. “Sora would have to give you his body, considering yours was destroyed. Just like how he took your place in this ‘game.’”

“Sora and I ran into people playing this game during the Mark of Mastery exam, but it was in Traverse Town, not in whatever city Kairi was in,” Riku explained. “Maybe we could go there and find him.”

“Yes, but could you bring him back?” Ienzo said. “As we know, those people were dead. They didn’t have bodies to come back to, which Sora now doesn’t have.”

“Make him a replica,” Namine said, gesturing to her own body. “Mine works pretty great.”

“As far as we know, no one who is able to possess a replica has technically died. Roxas, Xion, you, you all just faded away and returned to your original hearts. Your bodies and minds weren’t completely destroyed like Kairi’s were,” Ienzo said. “I would assume Sora is now in the same state. We’ll make him one, but I can’t guarantee it’ll work.”

“I’ll just switch back with him,” Kairi offered. “He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to trade with him, I would’ve said no.” Everyone looked at her with surprise.

“Kairi, no, you can’t do that,” Namine said softly.

“Sora is strong, he can beat that Producer person you mentioned,” Ventus said from his spot against the wall with Terra and Aqua. Kairi gave him a small smile.

“But she said that could take a long time,” Roxas interrupted. “He’d have to win the game, become a Reaper, then fight the Composer and then the Producer.”

 “Someone else could get into the game, to help him,” Riku suggested.

“The only way to get in is to die?” Aqua reminded him with a glare. He paused for a second before nodding shortly. They all became silent again as half of them looked at the floor and the other half peered at each other, searching faces for ideas.

“So, all we have is some half assed plan that probably won’t even work?” Roxas said to Riku and Aqua, shooting them a glare. Riku looked at the ground, and Aqua clasped her hands together.

“The plan is we’ll go to Traverse Town to find Sora, while the Apprentices build him a replica,” Aqua said. “Who knows how to access the sleeping worlds?”

Riku put his hand up, followed by Ventus and Terra. Kairi looked around the room for more hands but saw none. “Maybe you guys could teach us how,” she suggested to them. Riku frowned at her.

“That would be a waste of time,” he said, crossing his arms. Kairi glared at him.

“I’m going outside,” she said as she marched out the door to start the long walk down the hallways. She heard someone’s footsteps quickly catch up to her and looked back to see Namine following her with a worried look on her face. They walked in silence until they reached the veranda overlooking the gardens. Kairi leaned her arms over the balcony and put her head down. “What is his problem?” she asked Namine exasperatedly.

Namine rubbed her own shoulders, thinking. “He’s just…frustrated about Sora,” she offered. “That’s all.” She shivered slightly; her simple white dress was chosen for a day on the island, not a night in Radiant Gardens. Kairi sighed, and they both sat down on one of the ornate stone benches. “I’m glad you’re okay,” Namine said as she wrapped her arms around Kairi. Kairi leaned into the hug, smiling as Namine rubbed her back.

“I’m glad _you’re_ okay,” Kairi returned. “I didn’t know what happened to you after I died.”

“It’s a long story,” Namine responded. She went into all the details of everything Kairi had missed about the final battle and everyone’s whereabouts afterwards. Kairi’s parents had been just as accepting of Xion and Namine as they had been when Kairi showed up on the island with no home. They had moved into her adopted brother’s old room and were just starting to decorate it. Sora’s mom was quick to take Roxas in too, even though Axel had said Roxas could live with him in his apartment in Twilight Town.

Aqua, Terra, and Ventus all returned to their home in the Land of Departure, where they found some rooms were destroyed and the infrastructure was in disrepair. For the two weeks Kairi had been missing, they had spent their free time fixing the major weaknesses of the fortress and scouring the books they could find for any help to locate Sora and Kairi. Isa decided to stay with the apprentices in Radiant Gardens so he could assist in the research. They were all on the Islands that day to regroup and discuss their findings.

The sun was creeping up over the horizon when Roxas came to collect them on the balcony so they could go home. Everyone was quiet as they boarded Riku’s gummi ship to head back to Destiny Islands. Roxas took the first officer seat by Riku, Xion at the chief engineer’s spot, and Kairi and Namine on the only passenger bench. Sleep quickly overtook everyone but Kairi and Riku. Kairi spent the ride staring out the window at the passing stars and meteorites, trying to catch Riku’s eye in the reflection of the front window every once and awhile. Once he would notice her, he would glance back to the dashboard. She finally gave up, leaning her head against Namine’s shoulder and falling asleep herself.

* * *

 

Every week after that got worse. Kairi would try to go to school but would call her mom to pick her up almost daily after she started crying in class. Riku’s texts to the group chat went from trying to be comforting to short “no sign of him” messages every morning at 6 a.m. He never texted her alone. She would try to run into him at school before the first bell, but he had taken to showing up with just enough time to give her a wave. She had to hear about his life through Namine, since she was the only one he would talk to for longer than five minutes. It had been conveyed to her that he was falling asleep frequently in class. It had been two weeks since she returned when he stopped coming to school at all.

Then Ventus came to visit them all the next weekend, with still no signs of Sora. He had grown two inches and a short well-groomed circle beard since she last saw him. It bothered her when he showed it off to Roxas and Roxas was excited at the prospect of his possible future facial hair. When she left the room abruptly shortly afterward, Roxas had followed her. Surprisingly to her, when she explained to him through choked back tears that Sora might not ever get to grow a beard, he held her close and cried with her.

It was the next day that Roxas held a keyblade training session on the beach after school for her, him, Xion, and Axel. A few days later, Ventus showed up to teach them, revealing to them all that Aqua didn’t think it was a good idea for him to visit the Sleeping Realm anymore with the rapid aging they all were having. When Even had given Ventus a dental exam, he discovered his teeth had shifted enough to show four years of aging. He had to get his wisdom teeth removed the next week.

Terra had sent the group chat a picture of a terrible twisted scar on his arm, with a “which one of y’all did this?” text accompanying it. He was developing scars that Ansem and Xemnas had acquired from the years spent in his body. Xion and Kairi were at a garden store with Aqua when she doubled over, clutching her stomach. They took her to the bathroom and lifted her shirt, revealing a deep scratch a heartless had given to her six years ago right through her belly button. It was healed, but she said it felt just like it did when it happened the first time. She stopped visiting the Sleeping Realm the next day.

Riku didn’t even tell them when Terra didn’t come to their meeting spot in Traverse Town one day. Kairi found that out from Namine again after Kairi had promised her she wouldn’t start crying if she updated her about Sora. Her promise was quickly broken, and the rest of the day was spent watching old movies and baking cookies. Riku didn’t respond to her text when she invited him over for it. She made an X on her calendar that day, counting that it had been 55 days since anyone laid eyes on Sora.

* * *

 

Kairi shot up in bed when she heard her phone ring. She scrambled for it and examined the screen. Ah, Roxas. Kairi fit comfortably in her new friend group of Roxas, Xion, and Axel. Xion and Roxas both reminded her of Sora, their crystal blue eyes identical to his with his same tan skin tone. Roxas was maybe quieter than him, Xion a little more boisterous, but they had parts of his personality, like ways siblings mirror each other.

She quickly slid the answer button over, putting the phone to her ear. “Uh, hello?” she muttered, the sleep heavy in her voice.

“Hey, where are you?” he questioned, his voice energetic but slightly worried. She pulled the phone away to look at the time. It was already 1 p.m.

“Shit, I’ll be there,” she said quickly, hanging up her phone and jumping up to brush her teeth and rummage through her clothes. She stared at the bikini that she had laid out on the top of her dresser last night, then yet again pulled up her shirt to look in the mirror. Xemnas’ attack had not been kind to her. Almost her whole back was covered in a spiral scar, which was not very pronounced but still visible. It was light purple on her pale skin, like it had happened several years ago instead of just two months ago. The spiral scar showed lightly on her torso as well, starting to the left and slightly up away from her belly button and ending when it reached past it.

She sighed, thumbing the coral bikini top. She discarded her pajamas and tied the top on, pulling a Bulbasaur tank top over it which she knew covered the mark fully. She changed into the bikini bottoms, pulled on some denim shorts, grabbed her bag, and ran out of her bedroom door. As she walked past the hallway, she peered into Namine and Xion’s shared room, knowing neither of them would be there. They never woke her up unless it was almost 3 p.m., then Xion would come back home from the beach to get her.

“I’m going to the beach!” she yelled into the kitchen at her mom. She waited for her approval before running out the door to board her bike and start towards the beach.

It was a short ride, considering Kairi lived in a richer neighborhood with a cliff view of the nicest beach on the island. She locked her bike up at Wakka’s dad’s surf shop, knowing the rest of them would be hanging out behind it. As she rounded the building, she was greeted by a hug from the side, a bare chest crashing into her and strong arms lifting her up.

“Good morning, princess!” Demyx almost shouted in her ear, his flexed cheek pressing against hers as he smiled widely and swung her lightly in his grasp. Kairi laughed as she grasped his arms, holding on to him for a moment after he set her down. “C’mon, we were waiting for you to get started,” he said. She followed him farther down the beach, where Wakka, Tidus, Roxas, and Axel were all standing around the grill while Wakka cooked. Ventus, Xion, Selphie, and Ienzo were playing beach volleyball. Judging by how much Demyx was sweating, Kairi guessed that he was playing as well. She spotted Aqua and Terra in the ocean on one of Wakka’s jet skis, and Namine and Riku sitting farther down the beach next to an almost completed sand castle.

Kairi approached the boys around the grill first, Demyx abandoning following her to hit the ball when Ienzo almost let it hit the ground. She smiled at Roxas and gave him a half hug, since he was holding a bottle of soda in the other hand. “Happy birthday,” she said with a smile. He smiled sweetly back at her, handing her a bottle of soda. He had either known she liked strawberry the best, or it had been a coincidence. She struggled with it before Axel took it from her and opened it with his bottle opener without even stopping his conversation. They were all talking about Struggle, which Wakka and Tidus were now expectedly obsessed with. She could care less, looking at the kebabs Wakka was making. They were nearly done, and she eyed the picnic tables next to the shop that were filled with presents, some type of potato salad, cupcakes, drinks, and a karaoke machine. She looked at Selphie with a small smile, knowing she would be the only one who would think to bring that. She fished two of the gifts she brought out of her bag and set them down on the worn wood. Her fingers brushed the other gift, but she held onto it, knowing it belonged somewhere else.

“Food’s ready!” Wakka called out to everyone, the volleyball players quickly rushing from their positions to them. Xion pushed passed Roxas to give Kairi a hug and grab a plate.

“Since it’s my birthday, I get to go first,” she said matter of fact, smirking at Roxas. He gave her a fake scowl before handing her the tongs that he had already grabbed, and she quickly got her food. One thing Xion took from Sora that Roxas didn’t get as much of was the obsession with food, which Kairi could hardly blame considering how delicious Wakka’s cooking was. They all went through the line and took seats at the picnic tables. Kairi found herself sitting next to Roxas on her left, and Namine eventually came to sit to her right. To Kairi’s surprise, Riku sat next to Namine, which was probably the closest they had been for about two weeks. Kairi itched at her shoulder, knowing that her scar almost peaked out from beneath the fabric there. Her gut twisted, not wanting Riku to see it. Or anyone to see it, for that matter.

They ate, talking about such and such. Kairi participated in the conversations, smiled at the right times, laughed at people’s jokes. It all felt like she was acting in a movie, trying to not let anyone notice how her eyes flashed briefly to an empty seat at the end of one the picnic tables occasionally. Terra was sitting across from her and she noticed a jagged scar she hadn’t seen before on his arm, but she quickly looked at his face when she thought she had been staring too long. He was smiling as Aqua told everyone a story, and she noticed how he too was trying not to seem conspicuous as he stared. He had light behind his brown eyes that she knew hers lacked. She fiddled with her bracelets under the table as she half listened to everyone, wondering if anyone noticed how her eyes felt wet and empty at the same time. She knew just one small thing could make her start weeping, so she tried not to pay attention for too long.

Then it came time to open presents. Roxas and Xion smiled widely at and were very appreciative of everything they opened. Both got new skateboards from Axel, Aqua made them bracelets, Riku even gave them keychains that he had collected to put on their keyblades. Thankfully, Xion didn’t summon hers to try it out. They got other small gifts; Xion gave Demyx a glare when she opened a small bag with one single nail polish, and then laughed wildly when he told her the nail polish was really for him. He then pulled out a band t-shirt from under the table.

Next were Kairi’s gifts; she didn’t have much munny herself, but her gifts were thoughtful. She had given Xion some star-themed earrings and a choker she bought from a boutique in Twilight Town. The card said, “since you love borrowing mine.” For Roxas: a mixtape of his favorite bands that she had introduced him to, and a DIHS Blitzball jersey.

She knew the jersey was a mistake to give as soon as he pulled it out of the bag. It was an old t-shirt of Sora’s that had somehow ended up in her closet. The number on the jersey was Sora’s number from middle school, that also belonged to a player that had went to play for the pro league. Sora never had the chance to play for the high school’s Blitzball team.

_God, Sora had never gotten the chance to go to high school._ The thought made her want to scream out, but she instead made a strangled cough as Roxas held up the shirt to show everyone. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and looked over expecting to see Namine reaching for her, but instead it was Riku’s rough fingers that rubbed her skin slightly. She knew her scar was slightly raised, and if he reached under the fabric of her strap, he would feel it. “Don’t touch me,” she said too loudly, causing everyone to stop smiling at Roxas and look at them with stares that felt like daggers in her side. She could feel Roxas’ glare at Riku as he quickly pulled his hand away from her and looked up at him with an unsure look. Riku cleared his throat and suddenly decided his hands were a lot more interesting than looking at Roxas, and the stares just continued.

“Yea, Reeks, she has a sunburn there,” Tidus said from somewhere down the table. Her skin was turning a little red, but he was lying. Riku’s old nickname was just enough familiarity to ease the conversation though, and Roxas and Xion continued opening gifts. Kairi stared at Roxas’ hands instead of his face now, trying to focus on how many squares were on the pattern of his ring as he untied ribbons and pulled out tissue paper. She couldn’t remember anything else they got. When they finished, Riku was the first to stand up quickly and go to the beach to board his jet ski, followed shortly by Ventus. Namine stayed behind to give Kairi a questioning, concerned look but when she shrugged and gave her a small smile, Namine followed them too.

Everyone was hot from sitting in the sun, so they gradually headed towards the water. Kairi could see Roxas sweating, but he stayed sitting with her until everyone was out of earshot. “Are you okay?” he said when they were all gone, and Kairi put her hands up around her eyes so hopefully he couldn’t see the water streaming down her cheeks. That didn’t help the choked back sounds she made, and Roxas put his hand on her forearm, hiding their touch with his shoulders. He sat there quietly while she sobbed into her hands as she tried not to make so many movements with her breathing. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk,” he offered. He helped her up, and somehow seemed to help her stand and walk so she didn’t have to turn and face the ocean where everyone was at.

They walked past the building, and Roxas unlocked his bike. He boarded it and held it sturdy while Kairi got on the stand. She held onto him as he rode down the street to Sora’s house, trying hard not to bend down and cry into the crook of his neck. It seemed like it took forever and a day for them to get there as she tried to stifle her tears so people driving on the streets wouldn’t stare at her. Sora’s mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway, which wasn’t surprising. She knew she was going to be at Sora’s grandmother’s that day.

Kairi collapsed into Roxas’ arm after he hid his bike behind the garage, and Roxas held her tightly as her whole body shook with her cries. She felt her knees giving out, but Roxas’ arms flexed and wrapped around her small torso tighter. She felt a twinge of worry as she felt her shirt shift, but knew that Roxas would never, ever care about any scar she might have now or in the future. He led her inside when he noticed her breathing slowed down, and they sat together on the soft couch she had sat on thousands of times. She still sobbed, more quietly this time, and Roxas held her close again without saying anything. It felt like she was crying for 20 minutes straight before it slowed down enough for her to talk.

“Can we go to his room?” she asked. Roxas nodded shortly and held Kairi’s hand as they walked upstairs. Sora’s room was mostly unchanged since he was 14. He lived in it for the three weeks he was back home before the Mark of Mastery test though, and had rearranged some things and added new decorations. Kairi dug in her bag and got the carefully wrapped gift out of it, laying it on his pillow. There were other gifts in his room, and a big “Welcome Home, Sora!” written on his window in Selphie’s hand writing that had been slightly erased by the changing humidity. On the nightstand next to his fish lamp was a picture of him, Kairi, Riku, Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus after a middle school Blitzball game in their uniforms. Wakka was holding up the championship trophy with Riku grabbing one of the handles, and Selphie and Kairi were waving their pom poms, making the picture slightly blurry. Kairi picked it up and rubbed it with her finger.

“God, I wish that were me,” she said, and Roxas snorted at her reference. She looked up at him, and he gave her his same classic smile with his same shining eyes. She smiled as a tear fell down her cheek. “Why do you have to look like him?” she asked exasperatedly.

“Well, one of us has to be cute,” he said in response, trying to make her laugh. It worked.

She sat on the bed, feeling the comforter with some artful octopuses printed on it. Sora was in love with the ocean, almost every part of his room reflected that. There was the occasional space reference, his rocket ship mobile still hanging from the roof. He was more in love with the way the ocean reflected the sky, the way the horizon met the water, the way the moon shined brightly into the dark waters every night.

Roxas interrupted Kairi’s thoughts. “Sora would be so happy if he knew you were sitting on his bed right now,” he offered. That one didn’t work.

As she started crying again, Roxas took the seat next to her to hold her. This time it wasn’t the huge cries, but the silent small sobs with no tears since her eyes were dry. She didn’t even move away from him when she heard the door close and footsteps up the stairs, which stopped when whomever they belonged to reach the open bedroom door.

“Hey,” the familiar male voice said, and she buried her head further into his shoulder, not wanting to look at who the voice belonged to. She felt Roxas’ body tense up.

“What do you want?” Roxas said coldly. One thing he was better at than Sora.

The voice ignored him and stepped closer towards the bed. “Kairi, I’m sorry,” he said. Even though he was close enough to touch her, he did not reach out for her skin. She wished he did.

“For what?!” She was surprised at the way her voice snarled when his green eyes lit up with shock as she spun to look at him. “For acting like I don’t exist for the last two months? For avoiding me and ignoring me at every turn? For making me feel like this is all my fault with all the disappointing looks you give me? For just, pushing me aside while you spend all this time with my nobody? What are you sorry for, Riku?!” He looked at Roxas for resolve, but all Roxas returned was an unsympathetic glare.

“I’m not…” Riku started. “I didn’t know…that’s how you felt.” He rubbed his shoulder absentmindedly. “Can we talk alone?” He eyed Roxas nervously.

“Absolutely not!” she almost screamed at him. “Why would I ever want to be alone with you? So, you can tell me how much you wish Sora was here instead of me? So you can finally tell me how much you can’t stand looking at me?” She felt like standing up to seem more intimidating.

“If I didn’t want to see you, I wouldn’t have left the party to come and check on you!” he returned, trying hard not to furrow his brows at her. “C’mon, Kairi, just talk to me.” His eyebrows shifted from anger to begging.

“Oh, you want me to talk to you? Finally? I’ve tried to talk to you almost every day, but you’ve avoided me like I have a disease!” She did stand up this time. She wasn’t even close to being as tall as him, but he stepped back to give her room when she swung her hands with her voice. “Well, sorry Riku, but I’m _busy_.” She quoted his last text to her a few weeks. She looked down at Roxas, who was still sitting on the bed but had his legs in between them. He gave her one small nod.

Riku sighed and his shoulders relaxed. “Fine,” he said before turning to leave. Kairi stared at Roxas as they listened to him rush out of the house and start down the road in his Jeep. They sat there staring at each other for a few moments before Kairi huffed. She ran her fingers through her hair.

“We have to go back to your party,” she said.

Roxas shrugged. “Nah, we can stay here or go somewhere else. We don’t have to go back if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” she responded. “I don’t want him to think…that I’m hiding…or embarrassed.” She paused to rub her shoulder, putting on a fake smile. “It’s your birthday, we should have fun.”

Roxas agreed to pedal them back to the beach. They had been gone for about an hour, and mostly everyone had returned to playing beach volleyball while a few were still lingering in the water. “Roxas, let’s go jet skiing!” Kairi exclaimed, running towards one of Wakka’s jet skis. Roxas chased after her and they donned their life jackets.

The rest of the afternoon was spent jet skiing and playing in the water, with breaks of beach volleyball in between. Her and Selphie made Tidus do cheerleading stunts with them, Ventus smoked them all at karaoke, and a water balloon fight left them all soaked and out of breath. She felt like a few times maybe her smile was genuine, but then she would notice Riku glancing at her with regret.

The sun was setting while Wakka and Axel built a fire, Demyx sitting around it with his acoustic guitar in his hands. He played some classic songs, making everyone laugh with his “anyway, here’s Wonderwall,” before every song that was not Wonderwall. Once Terra, Aqua, and Ventus left, Wakka brought out the beer he had been hiding all day to start drinking. They had discovered that Aqua was quite the stickler about it when she caught Roxas drinking with Ventus and Axel in the gardens of the Land of Departure one night.

Kairi probably drank one or three too many beers, but it numbed the pain in the back of her mind. She wondered if anyone noticed how instead of taking her wet tank top off, she had just changed into a different shirt.

Riku was sitting across from her at the fire the rest of the night. Every time their eyes met, he gave her a small sad smile. She didn’t notice how much he was drinking but knew he had switched types of beer. He had stopped talking to Namine only, trying instead to talk mostly with Wakka and Tidus. She noticed him showing off the two razor straight scars he had on his hip when Ienzo showed a scar he had gotten in the Organization. She looked quickly away before he could notice her.

Before she knew it, she was sitting at the fire with just Namine, Ienzo, and Riku. Everyone else had gone somewhere down the beach to try to learn some Blitzball moves. Riku and Ienzo were talking with each other when Namine scooted to Kairi’s side.

“Riku wants to talk to you,” she said. Kairi scoffed.

“I don’t care,” the red head responded. She could get up and walk away, but she thought she might fall over.

“Kairi, do you think…Riku…likes me?” Namine asked.

“He likes you better than me,” Kairi returned shortly, taking another sip of her beer.

“It’s not like that at all, Kairi,” Namine said with an apologetic tone. “We mostly talk about Sora’s memories when we’re hanging out. He’s like…obsessed with finding Sora. He really does spend most of his time sleeping. Every time we talk, he asks me about different places and people Sora could be dreaming about. It’s almost…unhealthy how obsessed he is. I’m pretty sure it’s all he thinks about. He could barely even come here today with how sad it all is.”

“You’re sad?” Kairi asked, genuinely surprised.

“Kairi, we’re all sad! We all love Sora,” Namine explained, grabbing Kairi’s hands. “We are just trying to be strong for you. Everyone knows how torn up you are.” Kairi grasped her back at her words, thinking of the way Xemnas had ripped her in half. Is that what they all saw when they looked at her? Namine wasn’t there, she didn’t see. Riku was though, and he was staring at them through the fire while Ienzo spoke to him. She remembered how angry and terrified he had been when her eyes met his on those cliffs. His eyes now looked a different type of terrified, the way the flames reflected in the shine of them was almost haunting. Was that all he can think about when he looked at her? No wonder he couldn’t stand being around her.

“I’ll talk to him,” she said quietly as she stood up, thankfully her balance didn’t faulter. She started walking the other way down the beach from everyone, and she heard him stand up to follow her. As he caught up to her, she turned to look at him briefly before continuing slowly down the beach.

“Did you have a good day today?” Riku started with, an odd choice she thought. Of course she didn’t have a good day, it was her dead boyfriend’s birthday. He was only 16.

“As good as it could be, I guess,” she responded, looking down at her toes. The bubblegum pink polish was starting to chip. “What about you?”  
“It was pretty terrible,” he said. “I wanted to stay home in bed but Namine made me come. Is that why you were late?”

“Yeah, Roxas woke me up when he called me,” she said, sitting down on a bench along the beach’s sidewalk when they reached it. Riku sat next to her.

“Xion told me how you guys are training together. That’s cool,” he offered. “Maybe I could come, tomorrow…”

“I don’t know if we are getting together tomorrow, it’s supposed to rain here. We’d have to go to Twilight Town,” she said. The gummi ship ride to Twilight Town was only about 45 minutes, but Roxas was a terrible driver.

“I’ll take us, if you want,” he said.

“Maybe,” she said, playing in the sand with her toes.

They sat there quietly while a couple passed by. They were students in Riku and Wakka’s class, and they laughed as they played with each other’s hair. Kairi tried not to look at them while Riku acknowledged the guy with a smile. They were on the Blitzball team together. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a senior next year,” Kairi thought aloud. Riku had taken some tests to pass sophomore and the first half of junior year. He hadn’t even asked her help to study like they used to before…everything.

“Yeah,” Riku responded briefly. She could tell like he was trying to figure out what to say as he looked out on the ocean. The breeze moved his hair around his face, and Kairi looked away when she felt like she was staring. “Kairi…I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She looked back at him as he spoke. “There’s no excuse for how I’m acting. I just…I don’t know what to say to you.”

Kairi looked down at his hands as she thought. There were thousands of things she wanted to hear from him and wanted to say to him. “Was it worth it?” she finally asked after a few moments of silence. He looked away at the ocean to gaze at her.

“What?” he asked for clarification, peering at her with his turquoise eyes.

“Saving me, when I lost my heart,” she said. “Was it worth it?”

“Of course,” he responded without even a breath’s pause as she finished her question. His brows furrowed in confusion at her.

“I know you’re mad at me,” she said as she continued to fiddle with her bracelets. “It’s all my fault. If I had been a better fighter…or if I just hadn’t even been there in the first place.”

“It’s not your fault!” Riku returned, slightly angry. “It’s all Xehanort’s fault. He was the one…who did all of this. God, what I wouldn’t have given to been there when he…” His body was tense as he spoke, and she couldn’t tell if he was scowling that hard because of how livid he was or how much he was trying to avoid crying. As Riku put his head into his hands, she realized it was the latter. He shook slightly with his cries, and Kairi gingerly touched his back. She rubbed his skin through his shirt and leaned her face into his shoulder.

The tears started flowing out of her eyes too, and he sat up when he felt the wetness on his bare skin.  She expected him to pull away, but instead he pulled his arm from under him and wrapped it around her, pulling her closer. Her face was then buried in his chest, the pounding of his heart loud enough for her to hear it even though it was her forehead touching his torso. His other arm covered her back, and she reached both her arms up to lock together with him under his shoulders.

She didn’t know how long he held her like that. She was blubbering into his shirt, covering it with snot and tears and spit, and she could feel him shaking somewhat too and felt wetness on the back of her neck as he buried his face in her hair. It had been so long since they had been so close like this, and she realized she didn’t want it to stop. She wished he would whisk her away to her bed and they could cry until they both fell asleep and then wake up in the morning and cry more.

It couldn’t last forever though. Both of their sobs slowed down and stopped, and they pulled away from each other. Kairi tried to wipe her face with her bare arms and laughed once in embarrassment when she saw the huge wet spot on Riku’s chest. “Sorry,” she apologized. Riku shrugged, trying to dry his shirt by shaking it in the cool air. They both looked over to the fire to see someone was dumping a bucket on it to put it out. It was late.

“We should go,” Riku suggested. They walked quietly back to the group, who was yawning and grabbing their stuff. Tidus and Roxas were walking to their bikes to ride home together, and Riku dug in his swim trunks to find the keys to his Jeep. Namine and Xion had already rode their bikes back to Kairi’s house. “Want a ride?” Riku offered as he already started putting Kairi’s combination into her bike’s lock. Kairi gave Roxas an affirming smile when he shot her a questioning look and nodded at Riku before he lifted her bike into the back of the Jeep.

“As long as you’re not drunk,” Kairi reminded him as they both got in the front seat.

“No, I had like two beers,” Riku responded as he began the drive. Kairi and Riku had always lived in the same richer neighborhood, Riku’s parents both being doctors and Kairi’s mom being the superintendent of the school district ever since she had reached term limits as mayor.

As Riku pulled into Kairi’s driveway, Kairi sighed wistfully. Riku gave her a questioning look. “Do you think Sora had a good day today?” she asked him, and he looked sadly at the mirror ornament that Kairi realized she made him as a necklace a long time ago.

“We’ll have to ask him,” Riku returned. Kairi gave him a quick, tight hug before getting out of the car and looked back at him through the window of the front door as he drove away. She climbed the stairs quietly in the dark house, changed into her pajamas, and buried herself in the warm sheets of her bed. It didn’t take long before she was sound asleep.


End file.
